nice bumping in to you!

Oh heyyy there, buddy. Long-time-no-see! How are you these days, life treating you well? Oh, me? Have I been ill, you ask? Erm, no, fit as a fiddle. On vacation? Not quite.... not really, at all. What have I been up to? I must be incredibly busy with umpteen projects and tasks, right? Well, not much, doing just the same-ole, working a bit and keeping house - the usual routine - truth be told. But hey, enough about me, how have you been?! Ok, fair enough, so you're feeling hurt, maybe abandoned a little bit and wondering whether 'friend' is an accurate term to describe this relationship we have going here. Friends don't just hole away for months on end without ever paying a visit, I know that. Friends stay in touch and are there with you through the tough times as well as the sweet moments. Yes I'll admit, I'm a terrible friend [blogger], I'm as fair-weather as you get. You can never count on me to be there, I know that. But hey, if we're playing the blame game and making apologies, let's not fail to point the finger in your own direction. Have you really been there and listening [reading] when I've wanted to call you up to talk [write a post] about my latest decorating style for the apartment (wabi sabi), or to share our upcoming plans for Yuki's birthday celebration (she'll be one this week)? Sometimes, I just... feel like I'm talking [blogging] to a wall. Then what's the point? I mean, who cares about my boring day-to-day, surely you don't? I'm totally replaceable as a friend, anyhow, there are tons of folks out there who are just more interesting to hang out with [read about]. That's all I'm sayin'.

Ok, so I'm being a wee bit melodramatic, perhaps. But even as I write this, I honestly feel a little queer and schizophrenic about it all, as though I really am just writing this for myself. Really I only might, maybe, get lucky to have one reader today that stumbles upon this post by accident and then realizes it's not what they were looking for. But maybe that's ok? Well, even if there isn't that one reader out there (but if there is and you're still with me, let me thank you and you are welcome here!) , a lot of people blog just for themselves, to jot down ideas or to remember things, to keep a history of their days, like a digital diary. Nothing wrong with that and no shame in it. I never expected to be in any way "famous" for my blog, never hoped for as much readership as the handful of homespun/earthy/mama/housewife blogs I read religiously every morning to get inspiration, relate to, and brighten my day. Nonetheless, it's been hard for me to find the motivation to post anything these days, even for my own enjoyment. I guess I've just been too self-critical and now I'm having a little pity party about it! Indulge me. And since we're getting overly personal here (I can do that without fear, you know, since I'm the only one reading this), I've been feeling this way in general, lately. A little lonely, a little like I'm replaceable, preferring to hole up and be a shut-in because there's no one who will miss my presence anyhow. I mean no one besides my wonderful husband and best friend, of course, whom I am never lonely around and am almost never apart from besides when we're at work. He's amazing and holes up with me in our blissful little home together! And therein may lie part of my problem. I'm too terribly cozy with him, and our life together just too damn comfortable and perfect. So it's hard to venture outside of this beautiful rosy box of mine into the scary world and [blogosphere] to try to make friends or put myself out there when it's so easy to just stay in.

Well, it's good for me to come out once in a while, to socialize, to take risks and to make and keep connections. Just know it is hard for me, but I'll work on it more. I promise. I really would love to hang out and get to know you more.